Sleepless

Once, not so long ago, I was able to fall asleep at the drop of a dime. Simply and slightly resting any part of my body from the shoulders up would result in complete REM. Not to the point that I needed to see a doctor, because it's just hereditary, it's what we do. These days my mind is so active, it's running as if its sole purpose is to act as a "to do" list. I have no thoughts of anything but what needs to be done next, which is welcoming in the respect that much needs to be done and I haven't forgotten anything crucial for sometime, but its certainly draining.

So what needs my attention, I ask? Life begs an answer of what will I do with my future. With a laundry list of goals and aspirations, I cannot seem to pinpoint the "right" road to take. Even if I just blindfolded myself and pointed to a path, would it coincide with the rest of my life's plans? I want to be a mother and not a hurried and career-driven wife in a way that it will deplete my marriage love.

Well, at least we're heading in a direction now. Let's apply for some jobs, you say. Hmm...5-10, 8-14 years experience needed? How can I get a shot at anything when my education, experience and goal-oriented ways can't match the expertise "required", not "preferred" in today's job market.

Was life always this complex? I find that in so many aspects I am more than thrilled and happy with my life, but when it comes to a career, the reality of what it is to be a 20-something in today's society is suffocating and scary. I'd simply like to lead a successful and admirable life. I'd like to earn some sort of monetary satisfaction from it, but I don't need glory. I am certainly not a feminist, because the idea that my husband can provide for us and I can raise our children has always been an ideal way of thinking for me. I would like to contribute and feel like I earned something, but I refuse to work enough to cover the cost of a stranger raising my children.

And you can say, I'm getting quite ahead of myself, since I don't yet have children, but wouldn't I be foolish if I didn't prepare for that? My body is preparing and as a couple we are excited and ready for the chance to be parents. Wouldn't I be a fool to ignore the fact that some planning is in order?

I think next time I write, maybe I can delve into whether or not its fair to bring a child into our uncertain world. After having this discussion with my father this week, there is a lot to say.

Maybe my mind is off task now and then, after all. "Wouldn't it be nice..."

Introduction

So today is the day.

As I've contemplated in my mind for many months, I've finally begun to write. So in a way, today is the first day of what I hope to be a shiny and hopeful adventure towards a writing career. Who will read this? I can't say that anyone necessarily will, but at least I'm up on my feet again. I most definately should be in bed, preparing for a job for which I am too qualified and get paid too little for. But here I am, wide awake at 1:30Am (highly unusual) and feeling the urge to let my fingers do the talking.

So here I am. Mid-20's. Unsure what life holds, like pretty much everyone in the world today. I can't say my parents are anymore prepared for the furture than I am, which is both frightening and satisfying in some sort of way. Life can't be planned and I'm born from fervent planners, which has only exemplified the fact that life has a mind of it's own. And I don't mention this in a negative way...but in a real hopeful sense. It allows me the opportunity to live life instead of being in a state of constant worry. "What will be, will be"..."the best is yet to come". Can you believe it? These cheesy phrases coined for the purpose of talking a friend off the edge of a bridge are actually true! No matter how hard we try, the universe has their own plans for us. The way I see it, is that holding karma close to my chest is a benefit and keeping positivity in my mind will lead to some ultimate gratification. It's gotten me this far and I cannot complain.

A good start...I think I will come back tomorrow.

Goodnight world.